Grown Up (a music break)

After lunch, I headed out the door to take a walk but stopped to pick up my wallet just to remember I had no money. I was forced to be honest with myself about my financial situation. I was well into debt, and the money in the bank was for my necessary bills and food. Therefore, I had nothing left. So I threw my wallet back on top of the counter and walked out the door.  This old, local record shop on my block had a few milk crates full of jazz records labeled $2 dollars. As I fingered through the records, I noticed some great records by Stan Getz, Louie Armstrong, and Hank Crawford, just to name a few. I wanted to ask Tony, the owner, to hold a few for me, but I walked away.  No matter how great the records I found and how badly I wanted to take them home and listen, I felt no qualms or hesitation when I walked away.

         

While I was walking, I thought back to a conversation with another adult, who was about 38 years old at the time. She talked about how when she was younger and wanted to purchase a CD for just $8 dollars, she felt uneasy because of her other bills. She had to decide if she really needed the CD. Then she told me she is “grown up” now and making more money, so she doesn’t have to think twice. She can just buy. 

         

After remembering our conversation, I thought, “I don’t even have two dollars for a record. Have I grown up?” Answer: YES.  I feel that I have definitely “grown up” because I realize that growth is mostly internal and does not have a number attached to it. Growth does not have an age number or a dollar number. I have grown because I can see and determine a “need.”  In this case, I needed to feel stimulated by music.  Not just new music in my hands, but the way I feel when the music comes through in my ears and vibrates my soul.  With that said, you must excuse me as I will pull the Stan Getz record I do own and play and listen to it in a new and different way. I need to fulfill my need for new music, but more importantly, my need to grow.

         

Well, I’m back from my little music break, though I had a change in plans.  I listened to Louis Armstrong and picked up my trumpet to play along with his vocals on a Cole Porter version of “Don’t Fence Me In.”  Did I need this music to survive?  Of course not, but what Louis served made me feel as I grew, as I always feel he glowed.