Love and Hustle

Some of the most successful relationships I have been around understand the balance of love and hustle and do not let it become an intimidating element. They seamlessly know when to turn on the love and turn off the hustle and vice versa, as well how to integrate the two effortlessly.  These are the relationships that last for years regardless of whether it is marriage, friendship, work, and parent-child or teacher student.

          Believe it or not, the love part is fairly easy and can come naturally because it is in our nature to do so, if we allow for it.  The challenge comes as we add hustle to the equation.  Hustle can be how we choose to earn enough money to feed ourselves or loved ones close to us, or it can be in how we choose to chase a life-long dream. Why do I say the hustle is the hard part? Because most hustling in our present age (at least in most of America) is outside of our basic survival needs.  All we really need to do is to eat, have shelter, love, and breathe. All the “other stuff” is extra.  So we need to push ourselves to do all the “other stuff.”  This is where a relationship can provide the non-material fuel for the hustle.

          I can only think of examples of relationships that are successful at balancing love and hustle.  I see it in the Latin American couple who run the bodega below my apartment and the Asian American couple who own a restaurant below my old art studio.  I also see it in the many couples that have run countries, kings and queens, or presidents and first ladies.  In the past, when I spoke to one of these many “love and hustle heroes,” I would ask, “What makes it work?” The constant answer would be, “We just give each other a chance to change.” And the partner may say, “And if one of us makes a mistake, we do criticize, but we just help each other find out what we can do better.”  Throughout my many conversations with people in both healthy and unhealthy relationships, words starting with “C” always surfaced.  The “C”-factor helped in efforts to balance the ingredients of love and hustle. But above all, the one factor in relation to the Cs that is constantly displayed is non-attachment.  For example:

         

Compromise: Most will agree that the most challenging component to compromise is giving up something. We cannot give up anything if we continue to be attached.

Communication: Let’s use verbal communication.  If we hold on to our words for too long (a few moments or maybe even years), then attachment can get the best of our relationships, and suffering will most likely follow.

          Compassion: This starts with a willingness to give some form of energy. If we are attached to some other form of energy, then the flow of loving energy is at a halt.

          Chemistry: From a scientific aspect, if we were two vials of chemicals sitting alone in a laboratory never to be tested in their relationship, then we would never know if being together created the right chemistry.

          Collaboration: Two people can work for the same company in a cubicle, side by side, but if both people are attached to the comfort zone of their cubicles, they will never know their levels of compatibility and the possibilities that can follow.

          Without a feeling of non-attachment, we can stifle the above elements. But with non-attachment, we can remain flexible and lucid, allowing the flow of love to integrate itself in the hustle.  Hence, we are giving others “a chance to change” and together, we can create something truly beautiful.