About this Book (blog)

This is the first part of a book I wrote titled, Nothing Less Than Love. From the start, I looked into our relationship “with ourselves,” “with another,” and “with family”.  I reflected on the different relationships I was around and tried to find the essence of the colorful people and events I was blessed to witness.  I just looked at LOVE and allowed it to tell the stories that followed. 

 NOTE: Your can read the second half of this book in Part II - "With All"
http://nothinglessthanlovept2.blogspot.com/ 

Dedication

To my mom and dad, who taught me that

 humans are social by nature.

And to my daughter, to whom I can share this simple

 lesson of love.

Acknowledgments

       I have an infinite amount of gratitude for all those who helped me get to the right place (mentally, physically, and spiritually) so I was able to write, whether it was those who helped me find jobs, purchased my paintings, lent me money, severed and baked for me in cafés, or supported early versions of this work (especially editor Seba Fuller). Most of all, thanks to anyone who made me feel like I should keep doing what I “do.” 

This book was inspired by the various relationships I have been blessed to witness, whether it was the relationship with ourselves, our partner, or the universe we live in.  Each one allowed me to share a few words about the priority of Love.

 …

All thanks to our Creator,

who makes every  relationship possible.

Preface

I have no answers to life;

I only have extractions from experiences.

…

What I learned most from this reflective experience is that the truth rides a very thin line.  Sometimes, the truth is easy to see yet is hard to share, and as a result, it can be even harder to accept.  The truth of this book came from living life and allowing ideas to surface.  From these “ideas,” I hoped to transform them into a “feeling.” 

I often treated this book like painting, and I was the artist trying to get to the essence of my vision.  Maybe the viewer/reader will at look at this work, and it will resonate on some level… or maybe not.  I believe this possible connection between people and art is representative of how we experience any relationship.

I have lived by the idea that each artist has a choice.  He or she can labor to have others say look at “me” or love to do something that has others say look at “that.”  I’ve tried to do my best at accomplishing the latter.  Thus, the purpose of me writing this book was just to look at some of the things “that” I have learned.

Introduction - In My Eyes

One thing that I’ve learned thus far is to have faith that each relationship has its own direction.  When I honestly believed this, my vision became more flexible as to my destiny, and my life began to align cohesively.  Yet, often, a voice from within told me, “This is not the place for you right now.”  One of the biggest obstacles I ran into at these times was figuring out what to do when I heard this “voice.”

Many times, I felt the voice of other people doubting my change in direction.  But it was my choice to listen to this inner voice, even if my direction seemed not to be “socially acceptable.”  Sometimes, I wondered what “socially acceptable” really means.  Does it mean being accepted by others or just trying to decrease one’s chances of being alone?  So, maybe not being “socially acceptable” was a fear of mine that prevented me from making the right choices for myself.

    One change in direction I made was stepping away from my carpentry business.  Day in and day out, I was in homes where I sensed an imbalance.  This was not in the cosmetic set up of these homes but in the core of why this home was started in the first place and how it was currently functioning.  Usually, a home starts with a relationship.  In some of these homes, people turned to me and talked.  I listened, and often in the days to come, I saw the influence and positive effect of my word.  The more and more I saw this, the more I began to question the choice of my craft.  I’d ask myself, “Shall I continue to build shelves, or do I try to build hope?”  I recognized that I had some talent and power in both options, and I needed to make a responsible choice with what I naturally possessed. 

    I often felt joy when I was helping others with the construction of their homes, but I felt a greater need in higher demand of my skills and in the minds, bodies, and spirits of the individuals inside of these homes.  I also realized that it was my own home (self) that needed to be worked on, so I could be in a position to strengthen my abilities for helping others.  I began to see how integrating and balancing my need to help others with helping ourselves is one of hardest choices we all seem to face.  Many times, the fear of not being accepted socially interrupts our ability to make the choices we feel will bring more happiness to others, as well as ourselves.

    I must admit that I have made some poor choices in the past, but there was something I learned from these life tests.  I have come to realize that “acceptance” will no longer hinder my path.  More importantly, I will feel grateful and blessed to have an opportunity to challenge myself, grow, and help others.  As long as “in my eyes” my choice was made with the purest motivation, it was the right choice.  So now I just tell myself that...

…

I might fall,

and I might rise

in others eyes,

but in my own,

I shall never be alone.

With SELF - Finding You

Dig your Tomb

                With a fearless approach towards self, new definitions of health, wealth, success, and happiness become revealed.  Embracing these definitions will lead to specific, intimate questions.  These questions are to be like the soil as we dig deeper within to find answers.  If we fear getting our hands dirty and scratched, we will never be able to discover anything, let alone be in a position to plant new seeds to grow.

Tut’s Truth

There came a day when the entire dig appeared to be a disappointment.  Money, time, and effort were expended at the fullest, yet nothing was found.  Why did they continue? Because one man believed in himself and that was his starting point.  With his belief in himself, he was able to be honest with his own ambition and place himself on the line to dig a few more days.  He told the man who funded the dig that, if he did not find the tomb in the days to come, he would be a personal laborer for him for however long it was until he paid him back.

So, the discovery all started with the truth of his spirit.  It took him discovering something in himself first before he could discover anything on the outside of himself.  He was most likely possessed with the feeling of “now.” “Now” is the time to dig, and through the passion and endurance of his courageous workers, he was able to find a part of the past to inspire others in the future. With these few extended days, living in the now, and belief in his spirit, he arrived at the chamber and chiseled and carved until he reached the beautiful tomb of the great pharos, King Tutanhamun or “King Tut.”

            …

To truly find happiness, we often need similar intensity and passion.  Many believe we need a life-altering experience to discover or rediscover ourselves, like a birth, death, or a “big” disruption in one’s pace of living.  These events can definitely spark one’s need to feel the rhythm of his or her spirit.  On the other hand, these “big” events can exhaust the energy we need in order to dig.  All we really need is a small seed of hope that comes from one place, nature.  The human spirit is our most natural environment.  Maybe it is the spirit of a birth, death, or waking up one morning and deciding to roll up our sleeves, dig in, and get our hands dirty.

          As we break ground and start digging, we might pause and try to determine the direction of our dig. We may decide to change course, and this is understandable, as long as we get closer and closer to the truth.  Perhaps we find a small fossil and need a few moments to analyze and determine if the fossil is a part of our natural makeup or perhaps someone else’s. Sometimes in our lives, we become so closely linked and intertwined with another that it sometimes becomes difficult to decipher “what” makes up who we really are. For example, our parents, friends, lovers, teachers, and so forth can add small fossils to our makeup, but with our maturity and vision, we can make a decision to either keep it or toss it aside in our dig.  But even in our times of uncertainty and exhaustion, we must continue digging.

My Dig

I remember one time when I was digging to find myself.  I barely graduated from high school and squeezed into a college. I became overwhelmed and intimidated by my dyslexia and my seventh grade reading level at the age of 19.  I believed my street smarts could get me further than my book smarts, so I dropped out of college and used whichever “smarts” I had. I attempted to use all the “smarts” I possessed in the streets to prove I made the right choice.  For the next two years, I proved something to myself in the end. I proved that I could wind up in jail or dead if I did not start digging to find myself. Perhaps, I may have learned these lessons elsewhere, but sometimes in life, we don't know when we are sitting in a classroom at the greatest school.  I learned that I needed to truly find myself if I wanted to be happier and grow.

The next school was Marymount Collage, a small junior college out west that opened its doors and gave me a second chance. I accumulated as much money as I could find, applied for a loan, and received a bit of help from my parents. Nothing came easy as I tried to find myself, but I did my best to swallow my struggles, constantly feeling as if my suffering was the price I needed to pay for not being honest to others and, most importantly, myself.

I had to dig past my attachment to the money and time I invested into crime. I would rise before the sun in order to dig in complete silence.  I had to dig through many classes and only receive credit for a few because I was so far behind.  I had to dig from school to school, city to city, to find the right place in New York at NYU where I attended class from 10:00am to 3:00pm, sweated through basketball practice from 4:00pm to 7:00pm, and tirelessly struggled as a janitor from 8:00pm until 4:00am to fund my dig. The list can go on and on about my ups and downs, time, and experiences of my dig, even until today as I share my words with you.  Even though disappointment, discouragement, and distraction appeared in my sight, I realized their role was just as an appearance or a mirage. I would ask myself if I was truly hearing or even listening to my “little voice,” or if the outside voice is pointing me in the right direction.  No matter what questions arose I just focused on the one answer that I’m blessed to rise each day with the strength and opportunity to dig.

          …

I had to understand and except my mind as an enormous and vast desert similar to the desert Professor Cutter traveled upon to find “King Tut.”  I concluded that this vastness should not intimidate me, but rather it should motivate me to access my intuition and to build a resourceful sense of direction.  Finally, an original seed of hope began to grow internally, and all of a sudden, there I stood in my most raw form.

First Find

            As we initially finish a dig, we should embrace, feel, and praise the discovery.  It’s a necessity to be wise and delicate as we make efforts to handle this precious one-of-a-kind work of art that has been unseen, lost, and preserved possibly for years. This discovery is just as, if not more precious than, the ancient finds in history.  Once found, how will we handle it without disturbing its natural state?  In addition, it is important for others to witness and embrace its beauty, in hopes of evoking their own seeds of motivation to discover their own pieces of art.

          Now that we have managed to find this artifact, it is just as important to understand our discovery.  Just as the great artifacts that have been discovered in the past, finding its origin, its make up, and its purpose is key to its understanding.  We are no different.  Knowing ourselves equates to being void of fear.  We should be conscious and careful with the words we choose to use as we describe “what” we have found.  Begin to know the truth about ourselves rather than what we are not.  What is right about us, not what is wrong. These answers will be right in front of us if we are not afraid to see them.

          Get to know this artifact as if it were on an examination table for days following the discovery.  I feel that knowing yourself starts with understanding your history from before birth onward.  Use whatever given facts you have, if any, and explore them, moving forward towards birth and beyond.

Naturally Beautiful

         What is it about a person whose characteristics shine so bright that he or she makes a group feel “this person” is beautiful in one way or another?  This opinion is a result of a kind of beauty whereby the inner vibrations from one’s soul are released, and as a result, others’ opinions and feelings of beauty begin to form around “this person.”  Many times the feelings and opinions of the group can agree on the topic of beauty, but a lot of people get intimidated by beauty, especially their own.  Beauty can be a very powerful entity, so powerful that it can scare away the most courageous people.

          Often people are unaware of their true self-beauty because it is buried well below their conscious levels.  Many of us spend a lot time and energy trying to find beauty on the outside rather than what has been permeating within.  Although it is important to have the ability to find beauty in all of nature’s creations, the time and energy we allocate to this can be detrimental and distracting from finding our own internal beauties.  We cannot expect to see real beauty in another if we don't feel at least an ounce within ourselves.

          Finding both beauty and balance leads us to knowing “when” or “when not” to take ourselves too seriously.  Those who do not take themselves too seriously are usually beautiful.  Usually, there is an understanding and contentment present internally and there is no need to point one’s own beauty out in a mirror.  People that surround them will just feel the beauty.  Just ask anyone, especially a woman who is looking for a mate or a date.  Most would agree that sense of humor is one of the highest priorities in the search.   It is so hard to have a sense of humor when we take ourselves too seriously and equally hard to be at our best.  However, this does not mean we should not take what is outside of us seriously.  I look back to many of the people who have achieved some amazing tasks.  Often, these people seem to be at their best when they did not necessarily take themselves too seriously but rather took in all that was involved in the task.

           

…

I used to witness a guy occasionally come to my place of work, and each time he arrived, all eyes were on him and his every move.  I would also watch him over the years through his ups and downs, but mostly ups.  There were times when he would step foot in my work place and he was a team player, and other times he was a leader. As time passed, he became a boss.  As I observed him more extensively, I began to feel he was at his very best when he took himself less seriously. But what he did take seriously was the people he worked alongside, the task at hand, and all the details surrounding these two.  As a result, when he was at his best, he was "the best.”

A day came when I was on the job and directing a camera that was to shoot all the “big names” in the room (the room is known as the Madison Square Garden).  So after retiring, this guy came back to visit, and it was my job to expose him to the sell-out crowd who hoped to watch him on the jumbo screen in the middle of the arena.  I walked up to him and introduced myself and said, “If it is okay, I’d like to get a shot of you. I feel everyone here would love to see you.”  Graciously, he chuckled and said, “I think you have the wrong guy. You want that one over there,” and he pointed four or five seats down from him.  I played along, as I now approached the guy he pointed out. It was the actor Samuel L. Jackson, and I said to him, “The guy down there tells me that you are the one everyone wants to see here.”  He quickly looked at who pointed him out and responded, “No, there is only one, and it is that guy they all want to see” as he pointed back down the row.  I walked over and said, “I think you’re the only Michael Jordan.”  Within moments, he was on the big jumbo screen, and the place roared as it rose to its feet, as did Michael Jordan as he laughed and waved in appreciation.  As the game resumed, I told him, “I knew I had the right guy.”  He chuckled as I headed over to another fan. 

…

I reflected on this moment realizing that yet again Michael Jordan, as many “greats,” are at their best when they take their game, their fellow players, their audience, their coach, and others “seriously.” But, they just don’t take themselves too seriously.

Most enjoy to be surrounded with the smile of humor.

 It is like the fresh air that we love to breathe with all our senses. 

 I feel laughter is a form of meditation

that can increase our flow of oxygen. 

When anyone is able to have this flow,

we are able to embrace beauty,

be it in ourselves or others.

Feel “What” We Are Looking At

         Many times, those who take themselves too seriously assume the role of a victim.  But, if we are really searching for the truth, there is no place for the role of victim in the land of honesty. “Poor me” mentalities have inaccurate word usage in the word “poor.” They are not poor; they just cannot seem to see their assets.  Although, I feel they are right with the word “me.” Who are they? And who is this “me” that sees poverty in themselves?

          The visible and tangible is easy to see.  The “non-visible” is more of a challenge to see.  Just as stress to one’s body on a physical level can be easy to see, mental stress can be harder, especially in our present day with all the latest tools of imagery.  Conceivably, this is why it is easy to stereotype looks, but it is difficult to stereotype feelings.  So many have been conditioned to stereotype, generalize, and group the similarities in our visible appearances. I believe it is in our best interests to focus our efforts on knowing someone beyond these stereotypes and enhancing the ability to look beyond the physical. Therefore, we cannot only see, but more importantly, feel the person standing in front of you.

          This thought leads me forward in this book because I seem to strive to uncover the likeness within feelings.  Why do we feel the need to stereotype?  I think it goes back to our natural need to not be alone, so in the attempt be together we try to fit within and make specific groups. Unfortunately and frequently, these groups are manifested with gossip, negativity, and lack of education of others.  In addition to grouping, we also have the need to control our environments, and many of these judgments often give off a false sense of control or ownership.  Many feel it is easier to control another’s destiny rather than their own. But too often, this frame of mind can send people in the wrong direction of using all their efforts and energy to find the truth of others rather than themselves. For example, I feel these patterns can start at a young age when a kid acquires a feeling of empowerment with a remote or video game controller.  Although, I feel empowerment is a priority for growth. It starts with our personal empowerment to manifest change in our own destiny, not the destiny of something or someone else.

…

Discovery of all kinds,

regardless if inside or outside of ourselves,

comes down to knowing the “now of how.”

 How did we live yesterday?  How do we live today?

And how will we choose to live tomorrow?

Knowing You - Who is Your Friend?

        A friend could be anyone who helps us notice more truth about ourselves and move towards growth.  A friend could be our parents, children, mentors, guardians, teachers, lovers, etc.  There are numerous instances in our lives when we need someone who will open the door and escort us back into our own “room”.  Sometimes they will stay in our “room” with us, but at some point, they need to leave, so we can face being alone in our own “room”.  This can be a beneficial step to becoming comfortable in our “room”. Often we need to clean, renovate, and hopefully decorate our “room” because you never know when you may have a guest.

…

I was blessed to have two wonderful parents who showed me into my room, and when it was time to leave me alone, they left.  They left a few years ago, and since then, I’ve been fixing my room, and it is beginning to look pretty good.  I have even have had some guests who liked my room so much they were excited to invite me into their “room”.

I have to tell you, though, as I was cleaning it up, I found some gems that my parents left behind.  Just to name a few, a box of smiles when I paint, a bag of thrills when I express myself with words, and most of all, a heart full of love when I help others. I feel at times that I may have never found these gems if my parents had stayed in my “room”.

Role of You

         Sometimes, I feel the role of humans in life resembles the broadcast of a sports event.  There are those who give you the play-by-play, those who add the color, those who actually play, and those who are fans.  You can possibly play all these roles during various occurrences in life.  No matter what role we choose, it is so important to enjoy the moment and the role.  We should not allow ourselves to become distracted or discouraged by someone expressing his or her opinion of our role or not understanding the joy we may feel while in the midst of our role. 

Growth that Ticks

         What makes us tick? Or more importantly, why do we even want to tick?  Everyone's answer is most likely different, and I can only speak for myself.  For me, it is truth.  So why am I searching for truth?  Truth has the power to bring happiness.  Many fear truth, anticipating their perceptions of their truth will bring some form of suffering.   This may be true, but it lies in our perceptions and our vision.  So how do we see what is true?  My first need was to be true to myself and dig deeper to find what is honest about my own nature that makes me want to grow.

          In our youth, growth is very fast and very visual.  We can look at ourselves and practically watch the measurements increase with the pencil-sketched lines on the corner of the wall.  As we grow older, growth is within. Our mind transforms into our own visual perception.  Only we can truly see our mental growth as adults.  Sure, we can buy material objects, live a certain lifestyle, produce children, receive career promotions, and create the imagery of growth as an adult.  But at the end of day, we are the only ones who can determine our adult growth.

          Perhaps the challenge of parenting is derived from the responsibility for the growth of our children as well as, and at the same time, ourselves.  In their early youth, children have not developed the tools to make choices as to how they should grow outside what is natural.  It is our responsibility as parents to help make these choices, as well as help them find and develop the tools to make these important choices as adults.  They will need the ability to become aware of who they want to be with and how they treat themselves and others.

Grown Up (a music break)

After lunch, I headed out the door to take a walk but stopped to pick up my wallet just to remember I had no money. I was forced to be honest with myself about my financial situation. I was well into debt, and the money in the bank was for my necessary bills and food. Therefore, I had nothing left. So I threw my wallet back on top of the counter and walked out the door.  This old, local record shop on my block had a few milk crates full of jazz records labeled $2 dollars. As I fingered through the records, I noticed some great records by Stan Getz, Louie Armstrong, and Hank Crawford, just to name a few. I wanted to ask Tony, the owner, to hold a few for me, but I walked away.  No matter how great the records I found and how badly I wanted to take them home and listen, I felt no qualms or hesitation when I walked away.

         

While I was walking, I thought back to a conversation with another adult, who was about 38 years old at the time. She talked about how when she was younger and wanted to purchase a CD for just $8 dollars, she felt uneasy because of her other bills. She had to decide if she really needed the CD. Then she told me she is “grown up” now and making more money, so she doesn’t have to think twice. She can just buy. 

         

After remembering our conversation, I thought, “I don’t even have two dollars for a record. Have I grown up?” Answer: YES.  I feel that I have definitely “grown up” because I realize that growth is mostly internal and does not have a number attached to it. Growth does not have an age number or a dollar number. I have grown because I can see and determine a “need.”  In this case, I needed to feel stimulated by music.  Not just new music in my hands, but the way I feel when the music comes through in my ears and vibrates my soul.  With that said, you must excuse me as I will pull the Stan Getz record I do own and play and listen to it in a new and different way. I need to fulfill my need for new music, but more importantly, my need to grow.

         

Well, I’m back from my little music break, though I had a change in plans.  I listened to Louis Armstrong and picked up my trumpet to play along with his vocals on a Cole Porter version of “Don’t Fence Me In.”  Did I need this music to survive?  Of course not, but what Louis served made me feel as I grew, as I always feel he glowed.

The Suffering Scale

         Growing in a healthy direction can give us a feeling of ease. But a common problem in this effort is the many attempts to increase the ease of happiness without decreasing the pain of suffering.  As simple as this may sound, many have a hard time facing the truth of their situations.  I presume the reason we do not face a truthful situation is because this choice brings about self-awareness.  This awareness as to the energy we allow to penetrate to our core to cause this suffering or “disease” (lack of ease).  If you ask people if they want a disease, they would most likely say “no.”  Yet, and still, if you tested them for a disease, and the results were positive, they would need to choose a direction to a solution with the following two choices: A) you can do your best to find your cure, or B) you can accept and live, die, or die as a result of your disease.  Which do you think they would choose? A or B?

          I hope most of us would choose A.  I know the starting point toward my own self-discovery was an honest effort towards happiness.  I had to question my personal make up, image, and character before I could look to others for their opinions.  At times, I had a hard time detaching the ideals of what others wanted me to be and how they were tapping into my honest feelings of what I can be and why.  After this honest assessment, I then started in the direction for a cure of ease rather than disease.

          The trap that many of us fall victim to is within our search for a cure. We feel as long as we keep piling on the happiness, then we will be happier.  In our present day, we can see this piling of happiness within our material efforts. Many people buy one thing after the next, visit place after place, consuming and consuming, hoping for an increase in their happiness.  Eventually, the result of these actions is usually short-lived feelings of happiness. And these feelings get shorter and shorter the more and more we consume until, eventually, the short-lived happiness fades.

          As time passes, people assume they are making efforts towards happiness, although the disease continues to grow.  Nothing has been done to reduce the suffering. 

…

A spoonful of happiness today

will not cure the disease of suffering which has accumulated over time.

          Today, I feel true happiness starts with finding the essence of a given situation.  As I dig deeper and analyze the true essences of both happiness and suffering, I feel they accomplish the same goal. They simply remind us that we are still alive. The only difference is that one provides an interpretation of discomfort and the other of comfort.

Pathway Towards a Cure

         Many people working towards the cure become intimidated by the mental pain that suffering causes.  Many times mental pain as our first step towards healing.  If you experience any physical pain, this should help in understanding the great power of the relationship between your mind and your body. Mental suffering and pain in our minds is simply a starting point in the journey towards healing.

          Any elements of disease must first penetrate the senses before heading in the direction of the body and spirit.  This concept should be a motivating factor in working to increase the health of your mind.  If the mind and vision are healthy, they will be able to absorb various elements upon entry and decipher if the energy coming in is ease or disease.  The sharper we become, the less effort it will take to feel in touch with our spirit, who wants to guide us to a healthy mind and body.

So when random pain and suffering seems to just happen to our bodies, you must be aware and not intimidated by the fact that the mind is often the pathway to this physical suffering.  But you possess the power to decide what can travel along this path.  If you do suffer from mental suffering of some kind, then see this as a blessing because the pain has only traveled down a path but not reached its destination.  Once it reaches its destination, it can make itself at home for who knows how long. We should not fear mental suffering but embrace and help suffering find an exit route or use it to build new pathways so that it will never want to travel on the same road again.

          Happiness is a choice, and the key is to not get attached to what lies behind this choice.  For example, one might say, “If I only had a million dollars, then I would be happy.” Sure, money is a choice in a direction toward our happiness because it can help us move forward and not be too stagnant in our choices.  But, there are a million and more ways to reach a feeling of happiness.  The only thing that you should keep in sight is just the feeling of happiness.  Our flexibilities, intellects, and reason can provide us with a free-flowing energy that allows us to see the right choices more clearly. With this energy, what is right for us will present itself versus fighting internally or with others to find answers. We have the power to have a louder internal dialogue if supported by a healthy level of confidence. Insecurity may linger around at times, but with strong mental health, we can obtain the power to alter our choices toward happiness.

Buffing Happiness

         Often, the small details in life can draw upon larger forms of energy causing you to embrace feelings of happiness. Happiness can be found in so many small details of life.

…

There was a period of time in my life where a detail of my happiness was buffing a vinyl, tile cafeteria floor.  This brought me a peaceful tranquility.  I was a janitor at the time and noticed how this affected my energy after work, on a break, or even the following day.  I realized that my peace needed to be a priority and a constant decision for me because the next evening my boss could tell me to clean toilets, and I had no choice in the matter as much as I disliked it.  But the choice I do have is how much control of my mind I have over my present reality and how I could transform my present reality into a happy one.  The reality of feeling happiness purely lies in our minds, just as suffering.  So, if you desensitize yourself to suffering then the same can hold true towards feeling happiness.  

Self-Love vs. Self-Ego

         The tricky part is not letting self-love cross the line into self-ego.  At times, it can be a tough line not to cross because, as we truly embrace the love for ourselves, others encourage us on our journey.  Having others’ support is great; it can fuel us, but as long as we don’t fill up our whole tank with others’ fuel, we have a better chance to stay in balance.  This tank I speak of is our minds, and if the ones around us are gassing up our minds, we can become “full of ourselves.”  As a result, we might have a tendency to slam on the gas pedal, accelerating past all that is naturally healthy for our spirit, whether in a relationship with another or even ourselves.  This is why it is so important to understand and respect the correct pace we live at, as well as whether the pace of others compliments our nature, be it faster, slower, or just cruising along.  Will it be there when we need each other?

          I think those who lean more towards feelings of self-love rather than self-ego can have more potential to cultivate positive communities of energy.  As I write this, I think back to all the talented “up n’ comers” I have been around.  Be it in sports, entertainment, business, or in a relationship, many have crossed that line from self-love into self-ego.  Though the odds were with “self ego,” they usually failed.  Sometimes they don’t fail in their visual accomplishments, but they failed in their personal feelings of happiness.  On the other hand, I have also seen others that have learned as a result of their failures and did not cross the line again and stay with self-love.  As a result, their success is now of humility and, most of all, a true feeling of happiness for others as well as themselves.

Guess “Who” is Coming to Dinner?

Say you make plans to go out to dinner with a friend, and your friend tells you that Joe, who is a really great person, is coming along. You get to the restaurant, and the three of you sit down.  The conversation involves telling each other about yourself, personal experiences, and your backgrounds.  At the end of the meal, the check comes, and you each are set to pay your portion of the bill. When Joe says, “Oh, I left my wallet at home,” and your friend says, “Its ok, I’ll take care of you this time,” Joe says, “Thank you so much.” A week later, the three of you meet for lunch, and during the conversation, you hear more great stories about Joe.  The check comes, and once again, Joe has no money. You and your friend decided to split the cost of Joe’s lunch. The following week you plan to meet for breakfast.  As you arrive, you learn that your other friend cancelled, so it will only be Joe and yourself.  This gives you the opportunity to learn even more about Joe, and you have learned so much that you now know more than your friend does who introduced you to him.  The bill comes. Guess who has no money?  Guess who has to pay?  Last question: Who is Joe?

         

Answer: Joe is you…You will be eating with Joe the rest of your life.  Did you ever eat with someone that you did not like, and you had a hard time enjoying your meal?  Well, the same can happen if you don't like Joe.  The more you like Joe, even love Joe, the more you will enjoy the energy you take in.

Base Builder or Bass Player?

Life is full of main courses and plenty of side orders.

We have to be in the right place, most of all spiritually,

to choose if we want to eat  them or not.

…

Jeff played bass guitar so well that he was never without a band. When he was not playing bass, he would DJ at this bar where I worked as a waiter and doorman on late nights. Jeff loved the energy of music and loved to take music in and put it out for others to experience. But there was a side order that came with the main course of music. He made the choice to “eat” alcohol. Who did he eat this side order and main course with? Those who enjoyed the music he played, those who liked to drink, and those who just liked him.  I was two of these three but mostly because I liked him as person.  He had a big heart and honest love for not only music but, more importantly, people.

         

Where did Jeff have his meals of music and alcohol?  He had them in the bar, the club, the studio, his apartment, the car, or on the road touring. These places became the kitchens and dining rooms for this food that was to be cooked up and eaten.  Music and alcohol are extremely powerful; each has the power to control one’s energy and actions.

         

Which one do you think won Jeff over?  In this case, the alcohol took control of Jeff’s energy on two levels, his mind and body.  As a result, it affected his outer actions and interactions with the energy that surrounded him.  Eventually, Jeff began to over eat not only the first side order of alcohol but topped it with drugs. And soon, he had very little to stand on. The little ounces left for him were his spirit and the big heart that I mentioned before. Well, this big heart saved Jeff’s life.  This big heart reminded Jeff that his outer actions were no way to treat himself or anyone surrounding him. Jeff soon became aware of the decision that if he wanted to survive and grow, he needed to make some changes to his outer environment.  So he started to eat at different tables and joined a 12-step program.  Jeff was now aware that he needed to get away from the heat of the old kitchen. He struggled to stay cool and clean, but in time, the negative forces retracted and positives surfaced.

         

What surfaced? A friend of a friend was trying to sell an old house boat in need of some work and repair. So, Jeff accumulated what money he could and made an offer. Soon, Jeff was the captain of his own ship.  During this time, Jeff attended meetings that were a part of his program and worked on his vessel.  He occasionally tasted the food of music.  He worked odd jobs enough to pay for his docking fees.  Every few months, I would get a call from Jeff, and he mentioned how many days he had been clean. But usually, our conversation consisted of the challenges he faced in trying to keep his boat afloat.  I would hear details of what broke, what leaked, what he fixed, and what he needed and wanted to fix. A few times, I remember him calling and telling me the ship was sinking or it had sunk, and he had to be pulled out and taken to another dock.  I would listen to Jeff and his struggles with the boat and think, “It was not the boat he was trying to keep afloat; it was himself.”

         

Time passed, and I did not hear from Jeff, so I became a little concerned.  I lost his number, so I was considering paying him a visit when the phone rang.  It was Jeff, and he said, “Mark it on your calendar. I’m having a Fourth of July party on the boat, and I would love for you to make it.” “That’s fantastic,” I said. “But, last I heard, the boat was sinking. What happened?”  He said, “I realized I was spending all my time and energy taking care of cosmetic things. I was patching this and fixing that, and what I really need to do was rebuild the hull. I redid the base on the boat and did it solid as a rock. This thing won’t be going down again. It’s solid.”  I said, “That’s great. I can't wait to see it. See you on the Fourth.”  After I hung up the phone, I knew Jeff again was talking about more than his boat.

         

At the crack of dawn on the Fourth, I grabbed my paint box and some canvas, and my buddy Peter and I jumped in my old, beat up convertible VW bug and hit the road.

         

As I stepped aboard the boat, it felt solid just as Jeff said. Then I looked at Jeff, and he was just as solid as his boat.  That was all the energy I needed, so I got lost in the nearby town and painted.  When I finished painting, I headed back to the boat.  As I approached the port, I heard the sound of an amplified electric bass, a sound I had not heard in almost two years. I could not get the smile off my face, and when I looked at Jeff, he could not get the smile off his either.  I then gave him one of the two paintings I just completed, and Jeff’s smile stretched even bigger.  A few hours passed, and a few more musicians joined Jeff to play. After some fine tuning, they entertained the entire port, and I continued to feed from this energy and climbed to the roof to continue to paint. I remember looking around while the paint on my canvas was drying, and there were people everywhere on the deck. People were on the roof, in and outside and the boat, and the boat was supporting them with no problem. It was solid.

         

The next Saturday, I was on the streets of SoHo showing and hopefully selling some of my paintings.  I normally do not show any work that is really new because over the years I have gotten in the habit of keeping new work close to me for awhile until I feel I am ready to let them go.  But I had bills to pay, and it just so happened I had one of the paintings that I did at Jeff’s. I felt very strongly about this work, but I unrolled the loose, raw painted canvas and taped it to the glass of a store under construction.  I have seen all kinds of reactions to my work. Some have resulted in sales, while others just have various types of energy shown. But this I had never seen. Within a few hours, most people that walked by commented on that painting. And out of everything I was showing, that painting sold before any. The next morning in SoHo, I was deciding what to show, but this time with a wad of cash in my pocket that would cover most of my bills.  So I didn't have to let go of something I was not ready to say goodbye to.  Although, I was very anxious to see the reactions I would get for the other painting from Jeff’s party. I fixated the painting in a position to show, and to my surprise, the painting sold within a few hours. Now, I have gone weeks, even years before some paintings sell, but to see these two go in a matter of hours surprised me.  That night, I called Jeff and shared my surprise, and he told me how much my attendance at his party meant to him.  I responded by saying, “It was exactly where I wanted to be.”

          …

Our choices as to where we want to “eat” (the energy we receive) are crucial in terms of how we grow.  Someone once asked me what the key to painting abstract expressionism was.  My answer is the same for any form of expression, which is about getting to the right place.  This is true not only when you are actually “exercising” but, more importantly, when you are “eating.”  Just look at the energy I was eating on the Fourth of July. As a result, I “exercised” not only on canvas but in my spirit when I showed my paintings on the street.  This is something that always resonated true for me on the street. If I did not feel good about my work, I could not expect anyone else to.

          …

I just got a call from Jeff yesterday. He told me he is getting married and will soon be a father.  He also said it is time for him to come off the boat and live on the mainland.  From the tone in his voice, I could tell the waters might be a little rough.  Although, I knew he was going to be fine. Why?  His base is solid.

Home Base

Our breath was the base of our birth. 

With the birth of our spirit and integrity,

we shall truly grow.

          There is no place like home. This couldn’t be more accurate than when we look inside ourselves. All good homes should start with love for our self. Then any home outside will just feel like you are walking inside of yourself.  The lucid energy that we carry will lead us to a loving presence in our souls.

I think home should be a solid environment, holding a place for our past, present, and future.  The clearer our vision is, the more enjoyable this base will be to live in.  The loneliness that we yearn to lose will dissipate with each encounter of making this base more stable.  The gifts presented in our base will soon feel as unattached treasures rather than desperate attempts to fulfill voids of self.  Then environments that are outside of our home will not have judgments and assumptions, but rather they will be filled with feelings of limitless support from others’ home bases.

          Sometimes, I find myself being overwhelmed yet blessed with the responsibility of others wanting my attention.  This is a tough balance I confront on a daily basis. One way I maintain the needs and time of my day is by breaking my time into four priorities.  I set aside time to work, time to serve others, time to play, and last and definitely not least, time for my base.  My base consists of preparing for the day, meditating, cooking, cleaning, food-shopping, paying bills, and anything that maintains my health and stability.  Having a solid base usually sets a firm foundation for self-discovery, self-love, and a good frame of mind.  I need this to deal with others so I can have the flexibility to make adjustments.  In return, I’ve strengthened my vision. 

One Person, One Computer

         There is only one person who has the capability of telling you exactly what to “eat.” This person is more often than not “You.”  Whether you realize it or not, you have years of research specializing in you.  But, now that you have found this person, you will need to have a dialogue with this specialist.  As I personally faced this realization, it was no different than if I chose to have a dialogue with any other specialist. I asked myself questions. The better the questions I asked myself, the healthier the inner dialogue that I developed.  In time, I only needed to turn to others for opinions and information rather than for answers.

          It was funny.  As I struggled to create some order of all that I found in myself, I often felt the outer world was pulling me away from my discovery and pointing me in the direction of today’s tools of technology like computers, TVs, new phones, etc.  Even though these can be useful tools, they were not what I needed to focus on at the time.  I realized that own mind was the only computer I needed to use in my search.  My mind has been downloading information every second for my whole lifetime.  I just had to navigate, point, and click to access my information so I can become aware of what energy I should download today and in the future.  I had to find what material and non-material energy I should consume that would be free of any viruses to help me serve and grow in a healthier direction.

Free Meal

         Soon after I started to access my awareness, I started to think twice about the “free meals” I was offered.  These free meals would come in various ways, tempting my senses and different facets of my life.  It could be a person, piece of music, technology, an invite to an event, or even a job.  The list goes on and on.  I reflected on some of the free meals I have been offered and how powerful our “word” is and how sometimes just one sentence can be a free meal that changes the courses of our lives.

…

When I was going into my last year at NYU film school, I was offered a “free meal” by a friend. “Paul,” she said. “I can get you permission to shoot a film at Madison Square Garden.”  So I wrote a film about a guy who sneaks into Madison Square Garden to live out his dreams of playing on the court. I handed the script to faculty, and they approved the work under the assumption that I had permission to shoot on the court of Madison Square Garden.  It turned out that my friend lost her inside connection. There I was with full approval from the department, equipment, partial funding and without a location. 

         

Trying to find a resourceful solution to my lost connection, I quickly applied and was hired to answer questions and rip tickets at the entrance to the arena. I tried my best to make contacts with whoever passed who happened to work in the front office, but this angle did not work.  I took a direct approach and was told it would cost $20,000. to shoot on the court.  My fellow employees knew my dilemma and encouraged me to try and speak to Dave Checkets, the president of the building. They told me he shows up every year to the employee Christmas party. The day of the party arrived. I approached him and began to explain my situation.  He seemed a tad bit confused, but he gave me a name of someone to contact.  I called this person and they asked to see some previous work and the script I had written.  Now, the faculty was mounting pressure on top of me because there were other projects they wanted to approve.  Finally, the “Garden” called and said I could get one hour to shoot, but I had to follow all the building rules.  When the day came to shoot, I had to work fast, and we shot all we could. 

         

The film turned out “okay.” I mailed a copy to the “Garden” and graduated.  In the months to come, I still worked at the Garden ripping tickets while writing the screenplay play for what I hoped to be my first feature.  I then packed my bags to move to Hollywood to see if I could get my first film made.  Then I received a call from the Knicks. “Paul, we would like you to come down to talk to us about something.” At first, I thought I was in trouble, knowing all the building rules I knew I had broken, so I was not going meet with them.  But I thought, “Let me hear what they have to say.”  I went, and they offered me a job as a director of the camera to shoot fans and celebrities attending the games.  I accepted, and for the next ten years of my life, the “free meal” that was offered lead to feeding off a new energy, learning lessons in yet another school.

          …

As for this past “free meal,” I was blessed that it gave me what I need to grow in a positive direction.  Although as I headed further into the future, I began to check the needs of whatever is offered.  I would ask myself, “Is it the right nourishment for me?”  In addition, I looked toward the motivation of the giver as well as myself.  Sure at times it was helpful to taste because sometimes you do not know unless you try.  The more I became in touch with my intuition, the more I was able to “edit out” a lot of unnecessary free samples.  Many times, I was prey to these situations when I was either in a more desperate situation or my emotional batteries were running low, and I thought the free meal presented itself to give me the charge I thought I needed. As a result, I made some poor choices, as we all do at times.  I had to realize and value the fact that this free meal is going into my mind, body, and spirit, and it is my choice as to whether I or the ones in my life truly need it or not.

Homes of Men and Women

         Most people feel that security starts at home. The key is our perception of where home exists.  I feel a secure home always starts from within. Then we can take a step on the outside into the surroundings that are close to us and our souls.

          I feel some women only comprehend a portion of this notion.  A few of the women I have been involved with spend the majority of their time and energy taking care of what is innately close to them, without taking care of the essence of their home, which is their soul or their “base.”  Many times, men take advantage of this fact. Yet, often in time, men lose interest because they realize they are standing beside a place where the soul is not clean, safe, or has enough room to grow the way a good home should.

          Men can be just as guilty in this unbalanced situation because they make choices mainly on the “curb appeal” of a home, rather than by doing a proper inspection. This is the home men invest their time in, though they might only be occupied for the short term trying to fix it up to their liking.  As a result, a woman may feel like a “short-term rental” situation. 

          Clearly, I have made generalizations in this situation, and the roles can easily be reversed.  But, I do know for myself when I am dating that I always do my best to assess the situation at home.  And yes, I have had my share of poor assessments, being distracted by amazingly sculpted facades. But, fortunately, time, silence, and action have told me the truth and lead me to a change.

One Food

What food sets most searches in motion?

What food shall we receive, give, and rest?

What food can fulfill our  need to survive and grow?

What do we have in abundance?

Why are we here today, and why do we continue to live? 

What food is right for everyone’s mind, body, and spirit?

What is this thing called love? 

Resting You - Rest with Peace

Where can I find a place void of all distractions?

 In this place, I hope unforced questions will surface.

Maybe  answers will rise. 

The answer that emerged to the first question regarding this “place” I need to find is…

my mind.

It was a challenge when I truly began to rest my energy. It felt extremely potent and dense. Something told me not to be overwhelmed by this feeling and the possibility of being still and calm in my mind would surface soon.  Beforehand, I feared this form of resting. Maybe I was in fear because, even though I was “still,” I was on a journey. I was going to the many places that would expose who I am, where I have been, what I was, who I am today, and what I can be tomorrow.  Regardless of whether I described this journey as meditation, praying, zoning out, recharging my batteries, or whatever else, feeling and being still is priority.  In this state, “resting” became more accessible, and my vision became sharper.  Although, sometimes, I struggled as I faced new visions of myself and my life and how I saw others.  One of the earliest conclusions I came to was that so many people have been conditioned to be something they are not.  As a result, many live a lie to their deaths, and when this day comes, they hope they will rest in peace.  I remember hearing my own “little voice” saying to rest with peace today and do not count on tomorrow. 

          There are plenty of moments when we feel in true sync with our nature, but a lot of us become scared and run back to our lies which seem to have a level of security. Why does it have security? Because we can make it up by rationalizing and accepting, regardless if it’s peace, pain, love, or hate. This becomes our safe place. This continual rationalization with our lives makes it hard for people to rest their energy because so many have to admit they lie to keep themselves moving forward.  Imagine if we fearlessly made honest efforts to understand and rest the energy we receive and give.  We would not only have the power, but we would begin to understand how to create our own personal, honest realities.

…

To reach a true feeling of peace,

we should always be grateful of our breath.

 With our breath alone, we can feel the essence of reality. 

Although, it should feel “still” and “steady.”

Thus, having  power to rest our mind, body, and spirit.